I was shocked to hear a friend say that her best friend was keeping a secret from her husband for 12 years.  I asked, “Was she keeping it from you, too?” She said, “Well, it’s not all that relevant for our relationship.” I simply couldn’t imagine any of my best friends keeping secrets from me, let alone from their partners.

This often carries over with my clients.  Sometimes I see myself as sort of a bartender, where people can bring their troubles to me, if it feels right. It makes sense since there is such a connection with physical holding and stress/emotions and with massage and emotional release.  J- thinks I should start an advice column, actually.  I think that would be the greatest job (next to being a forest ranger).

So, usually this goes okay for me and I am able to be empathetic, non-judgmental and supportive without stressing myself out or taking it on.  Well, just the right issues came together this week to totally trigger me and it took me about 24 hours to figure out why I was getting so wrapped up in them. Two of my friends are both dealing with the loss of children in very different ways.  I felt so drawn to supporting them and felt their grief as if it were my own.  I saw each one of them on two days in a row and I could really think of nothing else for those two days.

Meanwhile, I am spiraling through PMS and wanting to cry at everything from seeing my dogs play to a cheezy movie.  Luckily, it was my day off and I was able to just take some time to myself, walking with my dogs and such.  As soon as I walked into my acupuncturists office and sat down, I realized that this was all triggering the sadness of my own loss of the girls.  I had actually made that connection with each of the situations separately, but for some reason, recognizing the common thread between the two situations had a huge impact. To spell it out: definitely time to get back into therapy for me.

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I met Sarah’s mom before I met Sarah.  We were at an earthquake preparedness meeting where we were discussing, as a community, how to be prepared and connected to people in our own neighborhoods and how to get in touch with people in other neighborhoods if lines of communication go down.  At that point, Sarah “Bean” (a nickname that we all use as a way to differentiate her from other Sarah’s that we know), was practically a legend in my mind.  My friends had been asking me for over a year whether I knew her.  She was roommates with a close friend, but never seemed to be around whenever I was there.

Finally, a few months later, I met Sarah at a party and I adored her immediately.  We decided to  begin trading massage.  I am a professional massage therapist and am fairly picky about who I will trade with.  Sarah’s modality is different than mine (her Tui Na to my Deep Tissue).  Although I prefer deep tissue massage, I have benefited and enjoyed all modalities when done well.

A practitioner can be good with touch intuitively or be mediocre, even with a lot of training.  Sarah is a talented bodyworker because of her ability to connect with others.  She did not have much training when I first started receiving massage from her, but she always had a wonderful touch.  Throughout the year that we traded, her work evolved as she furthered her training and offered more fully integrated sessions.

Like many young people in the Bay Area (and many bodyworkers), Sarah is a person of many hats.  She is a teacher, a thinker and a healer.  Given the opportunities, Sarah’s possibilities are boundless because she is the kind of person that turns everything that she touches into her own.  She was working hard in many apsects of her life, including preparing for her trip logistically and learning Arabic.

Sarah gave me this photo before she left for her trip

Despite her light and easy presence with others, she takes the world and her position in it quite seriously.  I’ve always been impressed by the gravity that she holds the well-being of others, which translates into her politics, her employment and her friendships.  She often spoke of her love and concern for her family and friends and was fiercely loyal and loving to both.

The Hikers

What I really appreciate about the campaign to get Sarah, Shane and Josh released is the focus on the fact that they are hikers.  Of course, this does not comprehensively define them, but is a part of a lifestyle that I share with Sarah.  I can imagine her joy in being able to explore this area. The Free the Hikers website is filled images of them in nature.

Shon Meckfessel, who was travelling with them (but did not join them on the hike) explains their discovery of the area.

Every one of them told us to visit a place called Ahmed Awa. Not one of these people mentioned that Ahmed Awa was anywhere near the Iranian border. In fact, on the wall of our hotel there were three photos of tourists standing near the Ahmed Awa waterfall.  Ahmed Awa seemed the clear choice for appreciating the stunning natural beauty around Sulaimania, far from any sort of risk. However, it may have been unclear to the people who encouraged us to visit Ahmed Awa that we intended to go hiking in the area, rather than simply visiting the waterfall.

News reports say that the hikers may have entered Iran and it is plainly obvious to anyone who learns anything about them (including the involved governments) that they would not spy and also would not have entered Iran intentionally.  Either one would be antithetical to their personalities and life choices.  This was simply an awful, tragic mistake.

I have not followed much of the media, but I was particularly struck by Sarah’s mom reading an email that Sarah had sent just before they traveled to this Kurdish region or Iraq.  She assures her mom that the area is completely safe and pro-american and there is no history of American’s being harmed there.

Helping

Unfortunately, those of us hoping for the release of the hikers are currently subject to a bit of a waiting game. My understanding is that the situation is precarious because the US does not have diplomatic relations with Iran and communication with and about the hikers has been somewhere between non-existent to scarce to not trustworthy.

It is my understanding that what they need most, other than raising awareness for the situation is money.  T-shirts can be bought here (which will do both).  The list of ways to help and ways to follow the situation is being constantly updated here.  I hope that I will be able to plan some sort of fundraiser for them and encourage others to do the same.  I also know that the families are already traveling for meetings and media opportunities and are welcoming the donation of frequent flier miles.

My take is that no one really knows at this point what will help expediate the release of the hikers and because of that, it is difficult for the families to know what to ask for.  Because of this, I am beginning to try and work with the folks involved to support them personally.

Massage is a really wonderful thing to be able to offer.  In times of stress, trauma and crisis, massage can relieve the physical and emotional holding patterns that begin to happen for people.  It also helps clear the mind; “let go” is not the right word, but maybe reorganize a little.  I have been lucky enough to be able to work on some people on their team that cannot right now afford much time or money to devote to their own self-care.

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