For weeks, I tried to write a blog entry. Every time that I sat down, it was between 10 and 11 pm after the girls were asleep.  Sometimes, I was so exhausted that my eyes would literally start to close when I sat down to try and write.  Other times, I was so frustrated that I would just burst into tears.

I was embarassed that I had poo-pooed my friend’s warnings that all of her friends had terrible things to say about parenting foster kids.  She was right and I should have taken those cautions more seriously.  We read so many books about these behaviors, but we thought these girls would be different.  Even so, reading couldn’t have prepared us for what it iss actually like, and we are on a crash course in parenting.  Additionally, we never imagined that the behaviors that we read about would be so persistent and extreme!

I was ashamed that I wanted to send my girls back. I spent much of 3 days crying, wishing that I had my life back and wondering why I ever considered kids at all…I don’t even think I like kids now!

For about a week now, things have been stable.  J- still has had hardly a moment to get any work done and we are just getting the basics done. Shopping generally happens after the girls are asleep, as well as laundry (omg, so much laundry!)  We have about 10 appointments per week, between therapy, social workers, school, doctors, dentists, birth parent visits.  Not to mention that the girls are still being introduced to our family and closest friends.

We look forward to a time when the logistics slow down and we can begin to feel like a normal family.  A saving grace for all of us is that we have respite parents.  Our friends R- and N- took the girls for the whole day last weekend. It was the first time that T-6 every said, “I missed you, Mom.”  Usually when she leaves our friends, we are there, also and she says, “I want to go live with them.” I think that we are at a point that having some space from each other will help us appreciate each other and not take each other for granted.