We are finally in the “matching” stage in our process and we are able to look at pictures and profiles of some of the kids that are in the foster care system and are available for adoption.

When writing the homestudy, the social worker asked what kinds of difficulty in children did we feel that we had the capacity to handle.  I felt like we were shooting in the dark on this one a bit.  If looking at a spectrum, we may as well have closed our eyes and randomly put our finger down, aiming towards the middle. Sure, we prefer no to hardly any behavior problems, and yes, we can probably handle moderate behavior problems and of course, we are scared of major behavior problem.

What I feel like we really needed was a professional to examine us and tell us what they felt our capacity is…then match us to the appropriate child.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that this kind of assessment exists within this system. It is really no wonder that so many foster homes don’t work out. While our agency spent about 6 months with our intake and screening, the county is so desperate to find housing for their children, they will place children that they may not know much about quite quickly with people who may or may not be qualified to know what they can handle.  If it is not a good match, the kids will probably end up moving. The more times they move, their behavior often becomes worse and they certainly become less trustworthy and have more attachment issues.

From the very beginning, we have been very attached to the idea of getting a sibling set.  There are some sibling sets of 5 or greater. We have heard stories about mothers who have their children taken away that out of sadness of losing their children want more.  Sometimes the children are split, if it is in the best interest of a child and a placement is available, they will be kept together.  We decided that we could take a sibling set of 2 with the idea that we might be open to taking another one of their siblings in the future (if the mother had another baby, for example).

The one time I strayed from this is when I saw a 3-year-old amputee boy.  He was totally adorable and it was one of the few physically disabled children that I felt our home could accomodate.  Since I have many friends that are disabled and once considered myself a part of a greater community of disabled folks, I thought this may be a good match. He is the only individual child that we have pursued thus far.

Other than just taking the middle road on anything, we decided that we had to rule out any kid with a history of animal cruelty.  Our dogs are not mean dogs and we do not want them to be injured or turn into mean dogs.  I also ruled out any child with a history of running away.  Missing my kid in Oakland did not seem cool.

And the good news is that we have found a number of siblings that meet our criteria.  More on that to come…