J- and I turned in our application last week.  This is the second-to-last step before we enter the “matching” process, where we actually start looking at kids!  There are a few pieces of the application that are pending, but the bulk of it is done. 

The application was fun, grueling, and emotional.  We had to check boxes about what kind of people that we are, what kind of people our parents were, and what kind of difficulties and priveleges that we had growing up.  We had to put on paper anything that might make us look like bad parents.  We had to make diagrams of our home and yard, we had to submit references, do medical exams, prove our income, get fingerprints and criminal records statements.  We were pretty confident that anything important had been out on the table by this point.  Other than one small hitch, this was true and it went smoothly. 

With our agency, the application is really a formality.  They had already put us through a rigorous interview process and asked us to see a therapist.  We had already attended their class and it is clear that we are mutually committed to set us up with kids.

I hadn’t met the applications coordinator before.  She was very nice and very organized. She had so many files and pieces of paper within those files, it was enough to drive almost anyone mad!!  I couldn’t believe it, one of our references lives in Oakland and she received her packet the day after we turned in our app. 

The applications coordinator was also very encouraging.  Although people at the agency had been encouraging before, it was hard to really receive because the things that would come up always felt like setbacks.  We had been planning to do this for several years and had changed our minds about the right way to do it several times. Finally, we found this agency, we were relieved and more than ready to get started. 

Actually, we were a bit impatient.  We got used to hearing “Be patient, it takes time,” “It will happen when the time is right,” “I know, it is a long, slow process.”

When the applications coordinator said, “Things ought to happen quickly from now on,” my jaw almost dropped.  No one with this agency had ever said anything like this before. The last phase before matching could take less than 4 weeks (which is less than I thought), so the amount of time that we are actually looking at was almost starting to feel claustrophobic, it was closing in so fast. 

From the beginning, there has been a push-pull of emotions.  Sometimes I am absolutely terrified, sometimes I am eager.  Sometimes I feel very laid back about the timeline of things, other times I get my expectations up about being able to receive the kids at a time when Jeff isn’t working.

After we turned in the applicatoin, I went on a website that lists short profiles of hard to place children in California.  It was the first time that I have looked at this site since I was far enough along in this process to actually be looking at kids that could potentially be mine.  I cried when I saw sisters, ages 1 and 11 whom I could actually imagine being a mom to.  So now, I hope to remain in anticipation to find those kids that are already out there that are my kids.