I find political arguments against breeding to be a bit silly. Well, yah, there are already enough people in the world and kids that need homes. But in our specific area, people are choosing to have fewer kids and many people are adopting. Actually, from all that I understand, adopting a young healthy kid in the Bay Area is somewhat competitive.

It just seems ridiculous to me to think that participating in something so basic to our nature could be considered bad. What, we are above it because we’re civilized? It seems to me that we should honor it even more as something that makes us human; human and animal. Many people that adopt already have kids, so I have not heard a very convincing argument that having kids is a negative thing. I really respect my friends choices to have kids and I also believe that children are our future (and yes, it is cheezy, but that song makes me mist up), for better or worse.

I guess that the one piece of the anti-breeding argument that I resonate with is that things in our culture are pretty screwed up. I have definitely had doubts about the futility of all of our lives at times.  I have also thought that the Bay Area specifically is a pretty difficult place to have kids.

For some time, I didn’t know whether I wanted to be a parent, at all. I was pretty indifferent to most kids…didn’t like ‘em, didn’t hate ‘em. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the lifestyle shift or that I was willing to give up my freedoms. I am still concerned about this, on the other hand, I have already given a lot of my freedoms up because of my dogs. When traveling with them, I have noticed how much the world is set up to travel with kids (and not dogs). Since I have been married, bought a house, got dogs and become self- employed (jeez, how crazy does that all sound), I am pretty happy just being here. When I do travel, it is not very far or for very long.

At some point, someone said to me that parenting was one of the best things that one can do with there life. I am sure a bunch of people had said this to me before, but for some reason, it started to stick…I was ready to hear it. I realized that I am the kind of person that wants to try everything in life. I could imagine that someday, I may regret not parenting, I could never imagine regretting being a parent.

J- and I went through several years where one of us was considering having a baby. First, I wanted one. So, I immersed myself in the world of babies and moms. I babysat weekly for an infant that I lived with. I followed the actual labors and birth stories of my friends. I read books and watched these kids and parents as the kids grew up. By that point, I had gotten J- interested in having a baby and he wanted one. I think that we flip-flopped back and forth about it. Finally, I had decided that I had really decided…I was firm…no pregnancy, no baby.

I decided to begin altering my lifestyle to see how it goes. When J- had his sabbatical, we bought a car and isolated ourselves in a little cabin in the North Cascade mountains. It was the first time since I had left for college that I had moved. Leaving my work and community gave me the opportunity to focus on my family in ways that I hadn’t before. I really enjoyed this time and appreciated how well Jeff and I did together. This cinched it…I wanted a family.

I still felt pretty strongly that I didn’t want a baby.  Recently, I have been around a lot of moms that have had both an easy and a very hard time of it.  Although being in on the difficulties of it certainly has not made it compelling.  But, ultimately, it is not just a question about how hard it is, but what I am best suited for.