My father suffered from a pulmonary embolism on Saturday that gave him severe brain damage.  On Wednesday morning, it was clear that he would not improve or survive and that keep him on life support was the equivalent of torture.  The hospital staff extubated him in the afternoon and he took his last breath at 8:03pm that night.

I have been appreciating the roller coaster of emotions that I have gone through over the last few days while I have been with him. I have gotten to know his wife much better and have had a lot of really sweet reflections on the gifts he has given me and the ways that we are alike. We haven’t been close for a long time, so the fact that his has hit me hard is a relief and gift.

I consider my father as somewhat of a Renaissance man, and I am grateful that I have learned this quality from him. His interests were always broad ranging.

• He enjoyed entertainment: to read and watch movies
• He was artistic and creative, he painted took photographs, played the violin and sang.
• He loved nature and camped in Yosemite, Lassen, the Grand Canyon and of course, the Santa Cruz mountains.
• He loved his family and worked very hard to support us and spend time with us.
• He was also always very spiritually driven involving himself in Christianity and new age practices in various times of his life.

One of my earliest memories was waking up in the middle of the night and visiting my father in our home photo lab. He was developing photographs for his side business at moss landing. He would sit me up on this towering stool (to a 3-year-old’s body) and I would keep him company while I watched him at work.

When I was in kindergarten, he wowed my classmates by climbing a telephone pole and brought two large bags of wire which we afterwards wove and braided into jewelry

As I got older, my father and I continued camping when our other family members had lost interest. I remember him accompanying me on school trips to Dillon’s Beach near Tomales and a trip to Loon Lake off of highway 50. He encouraged my interest in geology and we learned about John Muir together.

My father became very interested in thinking outside the box. He practiced self-hypnosis and meditation and eventually assisted the phone company in pioneering new ways of managing with a New Age Thinking class that he taught. I got to participate in the class where the students examined complex situations and how perspective may change things.

I cannot idealize my father. While he himself had a very idealistic worldview, he struggled with demons of rage and depression throughout his youth and his first two marriages. He had difficulty making close, lifelong friends and had a difficult life. But, he was resourceful in trying to deal with these vices and improved himself over the years. I am grateful to Carla, who offered him what he needed to experience the happiest years of his life.

Ultimately, when I think of what my father has given me and why he was a good father, what stands out is that I have always believed that I could do anything that I set my mind to. Not only did I believe it, but I knew that my father would support my choices unconditionally. My father lived with a spirit of adventure and acceptance and sharing my experiences or plans never failed to bring an excited and maybe mischievous grin to his face.