11 days ago I had the honor of picking up a beautiful, tiny little girl from the hospital. Other than a few massages and runs to the store, I have been spending just about every moment with her since then. I am completely enamored, although struggling with limited sleep.
I appreciate the congratulations that people are offering me. I am thrilled to have S- with us and I know that others are happy for me. It is another step forward in our journey as foster parents and the first time that I have been this close to a newborn infant. I also appreciate the visitors and gifts that have been so generous and wonderful.
On the other hand, it is important that people understand that currently, I am only mom temporarily, foster mom that is. So, it isn’t congratulations on your new baby. It is closer to congratulations on your babysitting gig. Of course, I am being flip. It is really something in between.
Any joy that we are experiencing with Baby S- is because her birth mom is having a rough time. Rough enough that she is not able to take care of her daughter right now. I have met her and witnessed how devastatingly sad this is for her. It is my job as a foster parent to be an ally to the birth mom and to support Baby M- in whatever decisions that the courts make about her future even if our role in it will be limited or non-existent.
It is natural to be curious about the kid, her birth mom, where she came from and the likelihood that she will be able to stay with us. Unfortunately, each question, even those as simple as her name are hard for us to answer. Sure, the birth mom gave her a name, but if she is adopted by us will we change her name? She is 15 days old, does she really need a name? And other questions, we don’t know what the answer is or the answer just feels complicated. Questions about what will happen from here involve taking guesses based on details that constantly surfacing. I am afraid that sharing those just begin exposing how vulnerable little S- really is and open up her and her birth mom to judgements and speculation.
J- and I have decided that what I have written above is all that we will say about Baby S-’s situation. Anything else that I may have heard is yet to be confirmed or is simply none of anyone’s business, to be crass. Any additional information can only taint people’s impression of the baby or mom rather than give any real sense of what the kid’s future will look like.
In general, CPS cases have several phases. In the initial phase, CPS investigates. They assess the birth mom and decide if she will be offered reunification services and which services they will be. They learn about the family. If they can, they will track down the birth father and look into his family. At any time, the baby could be moved from our care into the care of the birth family. If the birth mother is offered reunification services, she will have a certain amount of time to meet the criteria set out by the court. If she does not satisfy the case plan, the court has to decide what to do from there.
