Okay, well I don’t want to develop a reputation for thinking that I invented terms that I didn’t. But this term I think I really did invent! This species of person is found mostly in Berkeley and they like to plaster what they think on their car in cute little catchphrases. They are typically people that believe what they think is important and that other people care about it. There are even people with their whole hatches or cars plastered with their messages. Don’t get me started about art cars. I apologize to my friends in advance. Please don’t take it personally, bumper stickers are a long standing, quirky pet peeve that I finally have to set free.
I did come home frothing after seeing an offending slogan and posted on facebook. Some of the ideas from this post are from my funny peeps there, and are duly attributed with their first initial.
Bumper Stickers that I hate:
Electoral
I am an anarchist. I do not believe that voting actually works. Publicizing that you vote for someone that I fundamentally do not trust fails to impress me. It is kind of rubbing my nose in how bad the system is. Additionally, as N- so eloquently said, “Girl I am with you… Mainly that people don’t take the political ones off after the election…Go Dukakis! :)” You know those crusty looking worn away ones that are either half chipped off or so faded you can barely read them…
My Dog is Smarter than Your Honor Student
Why dis people that are all proud of their kids? Okay, you like your dog, a lot. It isn’t really funny and it certainly isn’t true. I see that the parent of the honor student is making themselves vulnerable for some sort of a class attack. They are almost inevitably middle class white people driving a Subaru Outback less than 2 years old. You, on the other hand, with your beat up red pickup expose yourself as a young, unattached guy (well, you are attached to your co-pilot dog) from Connecticut who will probably be driving your kid around in an Outback in less than 10 years.
Do No Harm
Just explain this. It is on a car, which is basically a harm machine. You can just add any sort of environmental message to this part of my list.
The Mystery Spot
I went to the Mystery Spot, when I was 8. Isn’t that when we all went? My favorite part was the painting that had eyes that followed you while I walked in the room. Second favorite was water that ran up hill. I stopped being charmed by this little gimmick shack when I was 9. But I must not be all cool and retro.
A fish of any kind
If you have a desire to compete with Christianity, more power to you…but it isn’t funny anymore.
Bumper Stickers that get a pass:
Cheney-Voldemort ‘08
Even though I usually don’t like Electoral stickers, this one is funny AND true.
My Other Car is a…
You’ve got a schtick and you are excited about it, there is nothing there to offend anyone. That is cool, dude. I would love nothing more than to see you hanging 10 down Shattuck Avenue someday.
Hang up and Drive
We’re all thinking it, anyways.
Found cache, Lost car
A little self-deprecation is always appreciated. Considering this has happened to me more than once when I have wandered away from my car, with my nose in my GPS…and the fact that this seems pretty hilarious, this one gives me a chuckle.
As long as you are riding my ass, at least you can pull my hair
Okay, so not only does this get a pass, but it may go down as the best bumper sticker I’ve ever heard of. Thanks S-…hahahaha. If kids weren’t required to sit in the backseat, it sure would be a good intro to the birds and the bees.
Ha! That’s a great line, “bumper sticker liberal”– it immediately sounded like a classic. Personally, I’m not offended by people’s bumper stickers. I respect people saying whatever the f**k they believe, not the least because it gives me an idea of who’s around me. (Except that it is not necessarily a correct assumption, which I will get to later.) Also, putting a label on your car is sticking a label on yourself, which can a vulnerable position, even if it’s just being labeled a liberal or a tasteless idiot. I respect the small courage of opening oneself to being labeled (and it is courage if that label is hated by your neighbors). The problem I have is that bumper stickers–unless we each write them ourselves– are somebody else’s label that we are persuaded to wear as our own. It seems like a small example of how democracy works in mass society: the individual expresses him or herself by choosing from a set of prefabricated set of opinions or personalities. Just like a vote, or consumer choice.
The reason I don’t have any bumper stickers now is simply that I almost never see a sticker that says what I believe. The only exception I can think of is one that said “Fight Patriotism”. I felt authentic sporting that during the decades’ wars. In general they never say things in ways that I would. I am currently a car user and I do want to show support for causes as I drive around in my little contribution to the world’s problems, and that’s the main thing bumper stickers are good for. But the stickers handed out to show support for causes almost always tacitly suggest support for institutions or ideologies that I do NOT support. Or at least they leave me wanting to clarify. Does “Free Palestine!” just mean supporting Palestinians struggling against their oppressors, or is it read as welcoming them to incorporate into the family of nation states? This one is at least open ended, and I’d put it on my car, but what if the only choice is “Support Palestinian Statehood”? In the realm of realpolitik I do support Palestinian statehood, but if that’s my bumper sticker it implies that I’m a statist and want you to support states too. I’d have to write under it, “even if you hate states”, to come close to expressing my opinion and self-contradictions.
Bumper stickers reflect the way our authentic views are co-opted by groups who just want to use us for their own purposes. It takes initiative to maintain your autonomous voice, which is always more interesting than the pre-fabricated message someone else wants to plaster on you. I always intend to make my own bumper stickers, but just haven’t. (How many things can I say THAT about! Too many!) It would be a fun activity to do with friends some night. I have a few written down somewhere that I never got around to rendering. One would have a picture of a waiter with the caption, “Are you enjoying class society today?” I can’t remember many others.
Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that bumper stickers would be cool if we really used them to express ourselves, rather than let them use us as product endorsements. The same goes for a lot of forms of expression in mass society, including the mass demonstration.
Great to read your thoughts, Deanna. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the Occupy movement and what’s gone down in Oakland. I’ve been thinking about them in relation to the protests in Wisconsin this past winter (which were very managed demonstrations for the status quo) and to critics from the anarchist side who are skeptical of their orientation.